Denise's Story

This first-person story shares the journey of a parent who got involved with WM2U, and how taking part has started to make a difference.

“It showed me that something needed to change.”

I wasn’t good at getting out the door.

My anxiety got in the way. I’m an over-thinker, an over-stressor. I lived in my bubble for so long.

The family support worker at school started a wee group - a walk and then something to eat. I went along. The kids liked it at first, but soon got bored. It was the same thing each time.

Then I found out about the Tuesday Club. A teatime club. I skipped the first session because I was wary. But I knew the kids needed something, and that’s how it started. The kids liked that it wasn’t another walk straight after school. When we came, it was all mums and kids they already knew. I didn’t know anyone at first, but the kids knew some faces, and from there it grew. The group took me in. We became pals, started doing things together.

After a while, the CLD worker told us about a Columba 1400 VBLE and asked if we wanted to come. Most of the mums from the group were going. I thought it would be great to have some time away from the kids - no dishes, no washing. Honestly, it was the best experience of my life! We talked about deep things. I’m someone who, once I start, I’ll open up about what’s really going on and what’s happened in my life. It was intense, but because I was with people I already knew and trusted, it was easier. There were also new people, but with some connections through friends. The atmosphere was good. Relaxing, emotional. Anger, sadness, happiness - it all came out. The people that ran the VBLE helped each of us take something different away, and for me it was what I needed to see myself in a new light and realise that I am capable, no matter what I have been through. 

Something was shifting in me. Even before that experience, I’d felt change brewing in my head. I knew I couldn’t stay depressed or anxious forever. My kids were already going to groups, sometimes without me. My daughter is amazing, she really is something else. It felt like my turn to step outside my comfort zone. I hadn’t made friends or been part of a group in so long. That experience showed me it was time to change, even if it would be hard.

After the VBLE, I became chair of the PTA. I felt confident enough to stand up and speak. The CLD worker kept inviting me to new things, like meetings and events, she helps me feel valued and that I can contribute. This has given me courage and I’m now also chair of the Tuesday Club. We opened a bank account, got funding, and it’s now parent-led. We do the shopping, cooking, and activities like crafts. Everyone helps. We’ve even got a group chat. One day I posted about how sometimes you just need to speak to someone, and it led to us starting a women’s group. There are seven of us now. We meet for coffee, tea, walks, and crafts.

My husband noticed a difference in me after the VBLE. He said my demeanour had changed, that I wasn’t as down. My daughter noticed too. She told me, “the more you do, the more it helps.” She’ll even give me a wee tap on the shoulder and remind me not to worry. Of course, I still struggle. Leaving the house can be a challenge, and if I don’t keep busy, I fall back into old habits. I still have bad days… sometimes really bad days - but now I’ve got people I can turn to, and I know that I am not alone. I can help myself and others to progress. 

I’m also part of the WM2U Make it Happen Fund panel. We built the application process from scratch and made it easy for people to apply. It’s good working with people I didn’t know before, especially now that two areas have merged. I’ve learned things I never thought I could do - writing, planning, reading things back. Simple tasks I wasn’t used to. It’s easy to doubt yourself when you’ve not worked in so long, but I found my brain could handle it. On the panel, there are people with big voices and big ideas, but we make sure everyone gets a say. I feel my voice is heard. We remind each other: “say what you’ve got to say.” It’s been good for my memory too, testing my brain, making me remember things I used to do. Anxiety kept me from working for years. But now I can see myself differently.

My daughter is now a youth volunteer on the MIHF panel, helping to decide on funding, and she’s part of the Tuesday group too. She’s even planning to run her own activities for the kids.

As for me, my next step is finding a job that suits me and still lets me be there as a parent. I don’t see myself the way other people see me, but I’d like to try getting into CLD work, even though it’s a three or four year course.

The biggest difference WM2U has made is confidence. It’s taken the edge off my self-doubt and shown me I can do things. I forget that sometimes, but I remind myself. I’m not alone. I help out where I can. And I hold onto what I’ve said, and what others have said, and replay it when I need to. Now it’s about balance. Finding a way to manage what goes on in my head, while keeping busy with things that give me purpose.